The final week.

Babie! Finally, the 2 months have passed. All of those lonely moments is going to be over. You are coming back in a weeks time. I can't wait.

Your aunt has agreed to fetch me to the airport. I will be your worker for the day then. I don't mind. Haha. I just want to see you. It has been quite a long time. We must have a lot of things about each other we have missed out. I plan to catch up with all of that.

I can see some physical change in your photos. You became much prettier. I hope your personality didn't change. I love that usual Babie Yan. Stubborn, like to bomb people but still kind, forgiving an loving. Sometimes i miss it when you scold me too. 'You are too slow!' 'I beh tahan you la!' Now i miss those words from your mouth. What i miss the most is still 'I love you'

Babie. Hope to see you very soon. I will be there when you come back. Love you babie. Please take care. Just one more week. Stay strong over there.

We will have a lot of things to do once you come back. Be prepared!!!

Valentine day

February 14 2010. Valentine and chinese new year. Our first valentine. And the day we are not together. I am still here. USA. Far far away from you. Left you for lonely valentine. I appologize for that. Maybe it is good. In positive thinking. Because of this. We will be more appreciate our relationship. We will more care each other. More worry about each other. And maybe more love each other. I think is good for us. I am more patient now. I love you baby. I miss you much. Two more weeks i am back.

My babie

One and a half month since you were gone. Another month for you to come back. You were right. As you always were. Sometimes, time flies. I hope the next one month will be the same too.
I know i have said this many times already but i really miss you here. Some days was quite busy but I never stop thinking about you in US.

I life here is fine. I have new friends, different teachers. But it still can't fill the blanks in my heart. Half of my soul is still far away. I love you babie. You are the only thing which will make my life complete.

My billet doux

It is 18th again!

Our special day. I haven't forget about it. I will send it to you by e-mail.

It is not much but that is the lest i can do for you.

Love you babie! take care!

Miss you... Very much

Usually, my dreams will be filled with love. Love between you and me. It was so sweet. I hoped that I will not have to wake up from that dream. But that could not be possible. I open my eyes and cleared my mind but those sweet memories is still embedded into my head. Now, it is all blank. For each night I slept, I couldn't remember what i had dreamed about. Maybe because I couldn't remember. Maybe it is because i don't want to remember. I am not sure myself.

Each morning I wake up having all blank in my head. The habit of checking my phone is still within me. Every time I picked it up, hoping to see your message. I know it is impossible but I still hoped. Each time my phone ring that usual chime of it, I eagerly picked it up and hoped it was you. After that was a disappointment because it wasn't you. I missed the time when we will chat from morning to night, telling each other our feelings, our pain, and our happiness. Sometimes we even chat until late at night, challenging each other who will sleep the latest and every time, I lost. Each time you were angry of me, I would apologize with the phone. Finally, that kind heart of yours will still forgive me.

Sometimes I hear your voice gently whispering to me. I know that it was my mind playing games with me. At least, I enjoy hearing it. I miss your sweet voice which sounds so charming all the time, even when you are not having a good day. I love it when you call me 'arling' with the most beautiful tone ever.

Each time a door opens in front of me, I hope that the person standing behind it would be you. The image of your sweet smiling face stays clear in my mind but your physical self is so far away.
What miss the most is still your face. So cute, so beautiful, so perfect.

Babie. I miss you. Hope you come back soon. Take care please.

My strength, my weakness

You are always my strength. At the time i was about to break down, I could hear your voice whispering into my ear, telling me not to give up. I fought on, the many victories i had achieved because of that. You lit up my darkest day, like the sun shining every darkest corner on the surface on the earth. I kept the smile on my face, leaving all those grief and sorrow behind me. Many better days i had because of that. You were the pillars of my life. Supporting my in every way. All of my achievements today were because of you. You made me a better person. The best person in your life, i hope.

But now, you are far away. Without the pillars, the walls of the house might hold, barely. I felt weak. Everything was useless for me. I know. All i wanted was not that glory. All i needed is just you. This time i have learned a lesson. At least i had the second chance. I will treat you well babie. I am sorry for all the bad things I have done to you. Sorry that I didn't treat you well. Sorry I was angry that day. Sorry for not listening to you. Please forgive me.

The wounds will heal, eventually. But the scar will still be there. I will not forget these days when you were far away. I am not ready for the 4 years babie. I am not strong enough to take it.

Happy Brithday!!

Looks like today is your birthday babie! Now you are officially 17! Do you look different from last year?

Sorry i can't be with you for countdown.

Tonight, close your eyes and make a wish. Hope it will cone true.

This blog is open

I have decided to open this blog for everyone. I hope my babie doesn't mind.

I want to share my feelings with everybody. I want them to know how much i miss my babie.

Night of nighamares

Yesterday night was the worst night i ever had. So plain, so dull, so empty.

I had a late nap after dinner as i was tired after my grading. I woke up and found 2 messages and a miss call on my phone.

'Hey, Yee Yan ask you to online now.'

'Yee Yan ask you to online ASAP'

Following that was a miss call from my friend how send me the message.

I knew what the miss call was for.

I was too late. My babie was at a transit in taipei. She managed to go online there, hoping to chat with me. But i was not with her. I was still taking a stroll in dreamland. When i woke up, she have already left, but she left me a message.

Hello darling !!

How is your grading ? Okay anot? My sis leh.. At taipei now. Waiting for transit. Very boring and miss you ! Take care. I love you !

-YaN-

I smiled, but that smile didn't last long. A sigh came out from my mouth soon after. I have missed my chance of having a chat with my babie.

That night i couldn't sleep. I have many mixed feeling in me. Happy my babie sent me the e-mail, regretful i couldn't chat with her, worried if she could take the endless flight but glad that she sounds happy. At last, I couldn't tell which is which. All my feelings was stuffed into heart, each of then struggling to take control of my brain.

I lay on my bed. That night was filled with emptiness. No late night chat with me babie. No good night wishes from her too. It was a cold night for me.

Does man need woman?

'Behind every great man is a great woman' I am sure everybody heard of this before. But they fail to mention what would happen if the 'great woman' is taken away from the 'great man'. Maybe they didn't talked about it on purpose because the person who didn't experience it will not understand what it would mean.

At first, i thought the 'great man' will live a usual life. Doing what he is suppose to do. Achieving his goals, doing all the great things we will usually do, have a happy time at home.

I was half right.

Yes. The 'great man' will live on doing his work, achieving his goals. Live his usually life, physically. But then he will not have somebody to share the happiness with. Life will slowly start to be dull. His soul would start to crumble. If it keeps going on, his spirit in life will collapse. Leaving only the working body and functioning brain. He will be a walking zombie, working all his way to success but not having the slightest happiness he could share.

What motive in life he would have left? Nothing. Nothing to work for. Nothing you hope for. Nothing to live for. Life is a routine now. Like a recorder playing the same track over and over again, just waiting for the track to stop one day.